


Coconuts

by MagnetMaeg



Series: "Our" Skyrim Verse. [5]
Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Assassins, Death, Original Plot, the brotherhood has infiltrated the government
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 01:59:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19097455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagnetMaeg/pseuds/MagnetMaeg
Summary: Cicero, beloved fool of hearts, performs a song and dance.The happy song, nothing more than a fun little tune.However, his dance is a little more deadly.





	Coconuts

For all the education the people of the high courts have, they really are complete idiots. There they were enjoying an act from a jester, none of them even slightly concerned about the fact that he is a part of the Dark Brotherhood. In fact, Unmirr was actually rather disappointed how easily he was able to 'hire' Cicero as his own private court Jester.

  
Since Unmirr was known to be rather adventurous, apparently no one found it surprising in the least when the man was easily getting bored while sitting around listening to people deliberate on the topics of interest. Unsurprisingly many of them were discussing the newest spiced wine or how good the sweet rolls were in the palace.

  
Hmm, what could possibly be more important than that? Maybe the Civil War in Skyrim. Perhaps the fact an entire outpost of trained guards were massacred a week beforehand. Sighing through his nose seemed to catch a few people's attention, and some of them told the jester to sing something different. To which Cicero turns to Unmirr himself.

  
"Perhaps the Emporer has a request for poor, poor Cicero," You wouldn't believe how many hours he'd practiced that line so that he didn't say 'Listener'. Either way, Unmirr to roll his eyes and hand in a similar motion. This was a cue, He'd decided not to wait any longer.

  
Cicero laughs a moment and begins to do a jig, although he's jumping around as well as he sings going around by each of the sitting nobles.

  
"Oh, I've got a lovely bunch of Coconuts, teedily dee~

  
"There they are standing in a row--

  
"Big ones small ones, some as big as your head!" He's standing by a seated nobleman with his hands on either side of his head. The man laughs as Cicero crouches slightly as he goes on with "And bigger!"

  
"Give them a twist-" A sickening crack fills the hall as the Noble man's neck is snapped in a swift motion. "A flick of your wrist~" He knocks the dead man aside- "And then the fun begins!" The rest of the court erupts into chaos as Unmirr calmly stands up while Cicero continues to go through the people one by one. Even the few guards stationed in the room.

  
The young emperor himself plants letters on each of the bodies, some kind of incriminating evidence all of them in cahoots with one another to try and kill him. The guards had one to share even. By the time Unmirr finishes, Cicero is sitting on the table, a whole sweet roll on a fork as he nibbles at it.

  
"So, Listener, how's this going to help us?"

  
"Because, dear Cicero, the evidence is going to incriminate each and every one of them, and I have you, a spy, come in and discover this. You have the rest of the letters, yes?" Once he gets a confirming nod, Unmirr continues. "You'll be giving those to the Altmer who will be showing up shortly. And I will be convincing them to allow me to pick my own council, out of distrust of having the majority of their council trying to kill me."

"Cicero always did enjoy a well thought out plan." He laughs a second. "Wait... Does he?" The emperor sighs very slowly watching his Fool of Hearts question himself for a few minutes.

**Author's Note:**

> For whatever reason I could have sworn I posted this *years* ago, but evidently I didn't. So. Here this bullshit is.


End file.
